she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
