Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
