Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize