Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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