I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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