I think my fart just growled at me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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