Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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