i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
