the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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