new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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