Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
