i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
