You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
kristin has been a bad kristin
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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