I want to have your abortion
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
