If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
