I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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