I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize