New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
