Have you finally orgasmed yet?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize