Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
