I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
