Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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