What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
