I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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