his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
