why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
