I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
