i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize