I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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