The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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