i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
