it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
