Christians are straight up FREAKS
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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