Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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