I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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