hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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