Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize