Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
