watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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