I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
