I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
