i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
