The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
