Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
