Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
