...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize