I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
