Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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