Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
