Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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