hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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