so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
