there's paper in my vomit.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
