Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
