pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
