I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
