Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
