i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
