just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
