So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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