they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
