It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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