Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
