just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
