so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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