I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
