I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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