HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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