That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
