I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
