guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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