You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
