He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
