I want to have your abortion
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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